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I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she's constantly blindsided in relationships. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Many of her social circle vanished during that time, as they were focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her. She made more effort toward our bond, probably realised more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Over the years, many in her circle vanished without her being sure why. Her previous job became hostile, although she had been an excellent employee, and she left not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we have each stepped back from work so we're spending time together, yet I realize my role in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto things she cares about. Politically, she expresses unyielding views. I try to recommend verifying facts or other angles.

She has been organizing a trip abroad I know well on several occasions and resided in for a while. I tried to share personal experiences, but this was unappreciated. She purely solely sought me to confirm her choices. I've just returned from 30 days there and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she will ever understand the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

One option is to walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it with a view to working things out demands strength and willingness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. Step two involves sharing the way it makes you feel. There should be no dispute here. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. The third step is to ask how the two of you can shift the pattern between you."

Remember your friend has her own side, meaning you must to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to remain silent for half an hour."

This can be effective in fostering better communication.

Closing Considerations

She might reject your concerns, for those who have a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a version about themselves they cannot abandon because their very survival is tied to it and it's all they've known. This is difficult because there's no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present this way and then think on your words. If you never reach a resolution, it will give you peace from having been open and direct.