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Myself seek out wisdom from others regarding managing life’s midpoint hurdles, for example existential reckonings, fading relevance, growing a neck like a Salvador Dalí clock plus a fresh interest about property shows. Recently, I came across the chef’s comments regarding his fiftieth birthday during a chat: “To thrive in life’s later stages, you must cut out distractions,” he explained. “Surround yourself with uplifting friends. I’m dodging pessimists – ‘fun sponges’ – and improving at refusing requests.”

My first thought was: isn’t there a tension regarding shunning downbeat folks and mastering refusal? Could that imply he needs to dodge his own tendencies? I realize – that’s typical energy vampire talk, and I admit I fit the description. Yet, we gloomy souls like to call ourselves “vibe suckers”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). In a bind, I might tolerate “melancholy luxury blanket”.

Maybe you belong to this group as well. Do you tend to be the event’s realist rather than its cheerleader? Does your detailed response to “How are you?” have your interlocutor edging away uncomfortably? Do you greet “fun” activity suggestions with an expression that makes you look like you’ve swallowed a slug? Do you strongly identify with Eeyore; has a psychic ever told you your aura is grey?

Should this ring true, welcome to the club, and it’s fine. Even as popular advice encourages cutting ties with “exhausting” pals, I believe we provide genuine benefits. It’s likely an energy vampire would have expressed doubts – or shown a grimace – upon hearing about the planned book with a First Nations lead done without input, possibly avoiding much trouble, distress, and disrespect. That level of honest feedback is rare among “upbeat” individuals.